As a seasoned parent of an Outlier – a child navigating disabilities, delayed growth, or other unique challenges – I’ve accumulated a wealth of experience, navigated countless hurdles, and witnessed incredible outcomes. My own Outlier is now a working adult, and I even chronicled our journey and lessons learned in my book, My Little Outlier.

Despite all that, recent struggles my Outlier faced, and my own emotional responses to them, made me realize something profound: either this was an entirely new situation, or I had simply forgotten some hard-won wisdom. I found myself wrestling with deep challenges, almost needing to re-learn past lessons, absorb new ones, and push forward. I want to share this recent experience with you because it’s a powerful reminder that on this journey, there’s always something new to discover. 

There’s Always Something New to Learn

No matter how old our Outliers get, this parenting journey always brings fresh insights. You’ll encounter new challenges, different from anything you’ve faced before. The key? Maintain an open mind and a flexible, problem-solving mentality.

My Outlier, despite being a working adult, recently struggled with severe sleep issues. He was going to bed in the early morning hours, which made waking up for his 9-5 job incredibly challenging. With only three hours of sleep, he’d be exhausted, often needing to sleep during the day. This led to missed work meetings and professional difficulties.

For a solid month, I fell back into old habits, constantly nagging him to go to bed earlier. It yielded zero results. I realized I had regressed, forgetting everything I’d learned about guiding my Outlier through adulthood. Nagging never helps. Criticism doesn’t work. These approaches fail with any child, let alone our Outliers. I tried to “over-handle” the problem, forcing a set bedtime, which only escalated conflict and cost me even more sleep.

I had to return to my own tried-and-true methods: journaling and troubleshooting to understand the why behind his struggles. This meant letting go of my own frustration and focusing on observation. I had to reconnect with the empathetic, supportive approach that had served us so well. We eventually pursued therapy, saw a psychiatrist, adjusted medications, and refined dosages. The experience humbled me, reminding me of the constant need to be open, flexible, and ready to problem-solve.  

To make a long story short: my Outlier now sleeps better, is awake and alert during the day, and his work performance has improved significantly. Of course, there are days when the schedule isn’t perfect. But remember, it’s about progress, not perfection! I’m celebrating this as a major win. 

A Setup for Action, Not a Setback

When our Outliers encounter new problems, I’ve come to see them not as setbacks, but as a setup, a call for action. Challenges and problems indicate that a new plan is needed. Looking back at our journey, every time we faced a “setback,” something good ultimately emerged. Often, a long-standing issue that needed deeper attention finally got addressed. We need to view these moments as opportunities.

It’s incredibly hard to adopt this mindset when you’re in the throes of difficult times. But as parents of Outliers, we must cultivate this resilience and problem-solving perspective. These issues are always a setup for us to improve things for our children.

For example, my Outlier’s recent long-term sleep issues had prevented him from being consistently alert. I’ve always been hesitant about medication unless necessary. So, it was challenging for me to even consider it for his sleep. But by staying open, his psychiatrist, my Outlier, and I were able to find a solution that truly worked.

I can recall many similar examples from our past. In his freshman year of high school, my Outlier faced persistent challenges. Short-term fixes only seemed to stall the problem, which would then resurface in different forms. I used to see these as frustrating setbacks. Eventually, I realized we needed a big change: switching high schools. At the time, it felt like the worst possible scenario, a huge setback. Yet, if my Outlier is the capable adult he is today, it’s largely due to that crucial change we made in his freshman year.

So, a “setback” is rarely just a bad thing. More often, it’s a setup for us to resolve or improve situations, problem-solve, and create better outcomes.

Embracing Change and Challenges

Always be open and flexible to change. Our Outliers evolve and encounter new challenges as they grow and move into different phases of their lives. Changes in environment, relationships, routines, and other conditions can trigger new, challenging situations. While this often means more work and emotional strain for us, it’s crucial to remind ourselves of our role in parenting our unique children.

Regularly reflect on your goals and values as a parent. Approach happenings and events with a detached, objective perspective. I acknowledge that new challenges are rarely “convenient” for a parent of an Outlier; they demand more time and energy from an already busy schedule. But for those of us who are seasoned Outlier parents, we know that challenges and changes are the norm on this journey. Being prepared and taking them in stride empowers us.

New challenges are often indicators that your Outlier is growing, being exposed to new environments, and developing new skills. They’re part of the process.

Conclusion

The journey of parenting an Outlier is a marathon, not a sprint, filled with unexpected turns and constant growth for both our children and ourselves. My recent experience with my adult Outlier’s sleep challenges powerfully reminded me that no matter how much wisdom we accumulate, there’s always something new to learn. The key is to embrace an open mind and a flexible, problem-solving approach.

What might initially feel like a setback is, more often than not, a setup for action. These moments are opportunities to identify underlying issues, innovate solutions, and ultimately create better outcomes for our children. By reframing our perspective, we can cultivate the resilience needed to navigate new challenges with grace and determination. Remember, progress, not perfection, is the goal. Let’s celebrate every step forward, big or small, as a testament to our enduring love and commitment. What’s a ‘setback’ that turned into a ‘setup’ for you and your Outlier? Share your experiences in the comments below!