As parents of outliers, we spend months fighting for the right support, whether it is an IEP, a 504 plan, or private therapy. When the paperwork is finally signed, there is a deep sense of relief. We want to believe the hardest part is behind us.

But real success does not live inside the document. It lives in our willingness to adjust it.

In my own leadership experience, we never launched something and simply walked away. We monitored what was working, noticed what was not, and made changes. Parenting a neurodivergent child requires that same mindset. A single set of accommodations cannot fully support a child who is growing and changing every year. To truly help our children thrive, we must learn the habit of checking in regularly.

The Three Levels of Checking In

1. The Casual Check In

Children open up when they feel safe and relaxed. A formal sit down conversation can sometimes create pressure. Instead of questioning them at the dinner table, look for quiet moments. Shoot hoops together. Walk the dog. Sit in the car after practice. Stop for ice cream.

You might ask:

Who did you spend time with at recess today?
What was something interesting you heard in class?
How are you feeling about that new project?

Small questions in calm moments often reveal more than serious talks ever could.

2. The External Check In

Our children behave differently depending on where they are and who they are with. That is why outside feedback matters. Teachers, coaches, and staff see pieces of your child that you may not.

Ask teachers whether your child seems overwhelmed by pace or instruction style. Ask coaches how your child handles unstructured time. These conversations help you see patterns clearly. They also correct assumptions you may not even realize you are making.

3. The Structural Check In

An accommodation written on paper does not automatically mean it is still effective. As academic demands increase, support may need to increase as well. Extra time that once felt sufficient may no longer be enough. A note taking support that was unnecessary before might now be essential.

Do not wait for an annual review if something feels off. If the environment changes, the support plan must change too.

The 80 20 Rule: Understanding Real Progress

One of the most exhausting parts of this journey is the feeling of moving forward and backward at the same time. It can leave you wondering if progress is even happening.

This is where the 80 20 perspective helps.

If your child is managing well most of the time, progress is happening. Look at frequency and intensity. Are meltdowns less frequent than they were six months ago? Is anxiety shorter in duration than it used to be? That is growth.

Do not allow a single difficult day to erase months of steady progress. Patterns matter more than isolated moments.

Facing the Fear of Bigger Decisions

Sometimes a simple adjustment is not enough. A check in may reveal that the entire environment is not a good fit.

Changing schools. Moving to a different program. Choosing a new support structure. These decisions are heavy. They affect the entire family. They create uncertainty.

But fear should not be the final decision maker. If a plant is not growing, we examine the soil. We do not blame the plant. Sometimes changing the setting is the very thing that unlocks your child’s confidence and future success.

Hard choices often become defining turning points.

A Simple Success Checklist

Make regular check-ins part of your rhythm.
Use relaxed moments to connect.
Seek honest feedback from other adults.
Review accommodations as demands increase.
Notice patterns, not isolated incidents.
Be open to change when needed.

This is not about constant disruption. It is about steady awareness.

Hope for the Future

If you are in a difficult season right now, please remember this: feeling overwhelmed does not mean you are failing. It means you care deeply.

With thoughtful adjustments and consistent support, growth happens. Confidence builds. Independence increases. What once felt impossible slowly becomes achievable.

You are not walking this road alone. With the right structure and willingness to adapt, your child can move forward in ways that once felt out of reach.

Take the Next Step

If you are ready to move from frustration to clarity, begin by observing what may need adjustment this month.

Visit mylittleoutlier.com for practical tools and structured guidance.

My book, My Little Outlier, shares the full journey and the steps that helped guide my son toward confidence and success.

You can also reach out directly at [email protected] for encouragement and support.

Your child’s plan is not meant to stay frozen in time. It is meant to grow as they grow.