Introduction       

Most of us are good at creating or having a long to-do list and are familiar with stressing about our to-do lists. For years I was a slave to my to-do list until I learned to accept that there will always be items on it. You can’t wait for everything on your list to be done before you can relax or enjoy life. If you do, you will end up spending a lifetime waiting for it to be empty. When you are a parent to a neurodivergent child (Outlier), your to-do list is probably long. Along with the things you must do for your family and your job, you will have additional tasks to execute to support your Outlier. When you have many items on your to-do list, it is inevitable that you have several items that are yet to be done and not checked off. This could cause a lot of stress and anxiety. Each day comes with its own new challenges and tasks and your list only keeps growing. While this is always the case, the list is much longer when your children are younger. When my children were young, I was of the mindset that I couldn’t not sit down or relax until all my daily to-dos were done. As you probably guessed, I never got to feel rested or relaxed for many years. One day I read an article about stress relief that directed my attention to my done list and see how many things I have knocked off from my to-do list rather than focus on what’s remaining. This was an eye opener for me. Since then, I consciously try each day to journal the items I have competed. This has helped me quite a bit. I now follow this ritual to this day. 

It is easy to focus on what is yet to be done. Once we complete some tasks in our list, they get checked off and disappear from our mind. In the world of parenting an outlier, there is not much time to go back and think about tasks that are done. In this post I would like to draw your attention to look at the things you and your Outlier have accomplished so far and celebrate it. Yes, there will be many more things to do and many more milestones to get to. However, take a moment to acknowledge and celebrate what you have done so far. 

We often focus on the milestones the child is yet to achieve. We emphasize, worry, and obsess over behaviors that are yet to be changed and progress that is yet to be made. With this mentality of focusing on what is not yet reached, stress is inevitable and being happy and celebrating anything is impossible. But we, as parents of Outliers need to celebrate every little thing we have completed. We also need to celebrate every little thing our Outlier has completed as well. This is a habit that needs to be created mindfully. 

Make your done list

Take a moment daily or as often as you can to see how far you and your Outlier have come. Build this habit early on. This is seeing the glass as half full and called positive thinking.  Everything on your done list is taking you one step towards your goal for your child. With each step, your child is also making strides towards growth and progress. So, everything on your done list is an accomplishment. So, I urge you to take time to write your done-list and your outlier’s done-list. For example, if you are working on getting your child evaluated, there are many steps in the process. You must research good providers, evaluate costs, read reviews, pick one, make an appointment, prep for the appointment, and attend the appointment. This is an example of how there are many to-dos for one task. Some of these may take long. But instead of feeling like nothing got done and every one of your tasks are open, write your done list (e.g., You called the provider, or you found a list of providers). Review/read your done-list and look at it as progress towards the task rather than seeing that the task is pending for many days.  You can also write a done list for your child. For example, if the child is working on a behavior change or accomplishing something, recognize the sub-steps that are complete and cheer your child on. Done lists can be used both for day-to-day to-dos and for any longer-term changes or milestones your child is working toward. 

Celebrate tiny successes

Big or small celebrate tiny successes and accomplishments along the way. Yes, there are many more to dose in your list as a parent and your outliers as a child! That is ok! Take time to celebrate and enjoy your outlier’s tiny accomplishments and your own accomplishments as a parent. Maybe you won’t feel as guilty as before! That is worth celebrating. That is an item in your done list. In general, we tend to celebrate something only when it is complete. Take anything (a task, a goal, a trip, a journey, an accomplishment), and celebrate when it is completed or accomplished in the full sense. Oftentimes, in life, some of the goals, tasks, or journeys take a very long time. If we are going to celebrate only when we reach the ultimate finish line, some of us may have to wait a long time to celebrate. The reality is that once we reach one goal or milestone, some of us briefly celebrate and then start worrying about or working towards the next goal. When this happens, it almost feels like you are always chasing something that you can never have. You end up feeling frustrated and even stuck.

As a parent, it is easy to feel like you will never reach your goal. That is why it is so important to celebrate little successes along the way. This philosophy also applies to life in general. The most important thing about life is the journey; there are no final destinations, though there may be intermediate destinations. It is important to pause and celebrate each milestone and each destination, or you will wait a very long time with no celebrations, only anticipation. Not to mention that you may end up feeling like nothing good ever happens in your life. This could lead to sadness and eventually depression, leaving you with little energy or enthusiasm for your next journey. When we start celebrating tiny successes, our journey does not feel like a chore. We start living. 

Conclusion

Make your DONE LIST often. Make a habit of looking at your day and making an actual done list or at least a mental done list. This is a definite must-have to live a stress-free and happy life and is very important in the journey of parenting an Outlier. The journey can be tiring, scary, and rough for your little outlier as well. They are making the commitment and effort to take this path along with you, and they are making strides—small, medium, or big. So, your outlier deserves a celebration almost every day!  Celebrate tiny successes along your journey of parenting your Outlier. Done lists are also a big stress reducer and help you see the bigger picture. Focus on progress and not perfection. We will talk more about this in future blog articles. Take time to come up with your Done-List every night before you go to sleep. Some days it is ok not to write it down but at least spend a minute to think about your day and recall what you have done.