Recently I took an international trip and visited my good friend who lives there. My friend and I go way back to our middle school years. It was a privilege to be able to visit her and have her take time off from work to accompany me on my travels. During my trip, I was able to spend time a lot of time with my friend. My friend is a parent of an Outlier.  Her child has level 3 autism and is unable to speak much. I took my book to share with my friend and was hoping to share my experiences and tips with her. Spending time with my friend for a week showed me that she was exemplifying every part of being an amazing parent of an Outlier. She was a living example of everything I talk about in my book. I was both humbled and honored to see how my friend was living a fulfilling life despite the challenges she has faced and is facing daily. She also advocated for her Outlier so far and created significantly better outcomes for her child. I wanted to honor her in my blog post this month. She is truly an inspiration to me and other parents who struggle with parenting their outlier.  Hence, I decided to share about her inspiring life in this post.

Advocating for and creating the best possible outcomes for her outlier

My friend has battled the system around her outlier’s environment for years to get the help her outlier needed to thrive. She has gotten him the needed speech therapy and help so today he can communicate to some extent. While it is hard for strangers to understand, family members and my friend can understand and communicate. It was amazing to watch my friend communicate and connect with her outlier. This is phenomenal considering the child could not speak at all when he was younger. My friend continues to advocate for her Outlier, providing him the environment, space, and opportunities to grow and get better and better than where he started. She even taught him to cook, and, amazingly, he can cook simple meals for the family. These are just a few examples of the outcomes created. My friend continues to seek opportunities that will be a good fit and leverage his skills. She taught him how to use the phone and enjoy songs. I also saw that my friend had fully accepted her Outlier’s condition while still trying to create better outcomes for her child. She was telling me that she found that her outlier had a talent for flavors and was trying to get him into a special culinary school. She will not stop advocating for her Outlier and creating the best possible outcome for her child. She is a huge role model on how to persevere and advocate for your Outlier even when things seem difficult and close to being impossible.

Finding her joy in the little things despite challenges

 I could tell that my friend had a deep sadness about her and that her heart ached. Despite that, she had a joyful demeanor and was always funny, happy, and ready to help others around her and make them feel welcome. She worked a job with hours that helped her be there for her Outlier. She enjoyed her job and spent time finding joy in the little things. Even before our trip, she used to send me pictures of beautiful and unique flowers and fauna. She took time to find and enjoy nature at its finest. She connected with her coworkers very well. My friend worked at a museum and when we went to visit that place, we met one of her ex-colleagues and their interactions showed me how wonderful a colleague my friend was to her. My friend took joy and did her job very well. Finding fulfillment in her job and connecting with people gives her joy. She took time to have her hobbies like Origami, jewelry making, artwork & painting, etc. She is an amazing mom of a beautiful daughter as well as a fun and loving grandma to an adorable grandson. She takes time to visit them, and I could see the bond she had with her grandson when we had dinner together. Despite her challenges, she found time to be a great mother to her daughter and a wonderful grandma who was adored by her grandson. While parenting an Outlier could be challenging, making time to do the things you love and finding your little joys can help cope with the challenges. This will help prevent burnout and from feeling stuck. Finding your joys also helps you come back to your parental duties feeling re-energized and joyful.

Taking time without guilt to relax and renew

My friend took time off from her Outlier to relax and spend time with me. She was completely present in the moment when she was with me except for one day when she had to take a call from the caregiver of her Outlier. Taking time off to relax seems easy but it is difficult as a parent of an Outlier. The truth is nobody can care for your Outlier as best as you can. So, leaving your child in the care of another caregiver can be daunting. Things could get ugly for your Outlier in your absence. There is always the fear that you must come back to a giant mess and cleanup work as it pertains to your child.  My friend did plan to care for her Outlier. Teaching other people how to care for your child is a lot of work. But do it anyway because the time you take to renew/refresh is vital for your Outlier and for you as a caregiver. Another caregiver will never be perfect but remember it is temporary, and it is ok to walk back to a messy stage and clean up. It is worth it as you deserve the rest and time off. My friend also told me about the trips she and her sister take periodically and how that helps her relax and be renewed. She is a great inspiration to me and other parents of Outliers. Planning for periodic time offs should be part of the schedule as it is vital to the quality of care your Outlier receives. It also helps prevent long-term burnout for you as a parent.

Conclusion

I wish we could all be inspired by my friend. Fighting for a better life and better outcomes for our Outliers like my friend. Finding ourselves and finding inner peace and joy despite all the sadness and challenges. Accepting reality and being at peace despite that reality not being what we dream or want for our Outliers whom we love dearly. Taking time off from the caregiver role periodically to rest and renew. While this can be challenging, it is worth it. The renewal benefits your outlier too as you go back as a better caregiver/parent to your Outlier when you take time off. Finding simple joys of life like a nature walk, admiring flowers, etc. can be very therapeutic. My friend finds joy in her daily life through her simple things. Take time to smell the roses or enjoy the simple pleasures of life like sipping a quiet cup of coffee calling a friend or going for a walk can all be simple things you can do as often as you can is essential to the well-being of parents of Outliers or any parent for that matter. Hope you all found inspiration in reading about my friend.

Ending with a salute to my friend! Hats off to you dear!